Not if but when...

is a lesson that keeps coming up repeatedly in my little corner.
starting sidenote: ergo baby carrier = the most comfortable baby carrier ever

Not IF my boys fall and get hurt, but WHEN...
Not IF my boys mess up and make bad choices, but WHEN...
Not IF things in life are going to be hard, but WHEN...
Not IF we're going to struggle, but WHEN...

And rather than going nuts to prevent hardship or trying to "make" things right, I take heart in knowing Who to turn to. And the cry of my heart is that my children will know Who to turn to when they blow it....Who to turn to when they're struggling...Who to turn to when they are hurting. In my perfect little Mommy Dreamland, I will always get to be a part of loving them and soothing them. For now, when they fall and get hurt, they come running and crying (or just lie there and wait for me to come running) and I squeeze them close and wipe their hot tears from their rosy cheeks and shush them and rock them and kiss them and assure them that they will be ok and play "Dr. Mommy" if necessary. For now, when they fall down and I can tell they aren't hurt, I am there to cheer them on, "Hop back up! You're ok." For now, when they mess up and make bad choices, I am there to correct them...to teach them. For now, when they are exhausted and hungry and worn down and falling apart, Mama is there to hold them, to help them and get to physically have the opportunity to be the hands and arms of Jesus to them. To pour on them the Grace and Patience. To comfort them. To be a funnel of peace and love and hope. To teach them...to guide them...to help them grow. What a marvelous role I get to play in the lives of our boys. It is simultaneously humbling and exhilarating.

(He thinks he has to bend down to walk underneath this ramp...)

And as I think of my boys, my mind always goes to "who will our next baby be?" What will be his/her "whens"? And then the thought of getting to mother him/her just opens the flood gates of delight and glee and at the same time, my heart already hurts thinking of the possible "whens" that baby will have had before meeting our family's arms. I want to already be there for the "whens"....

when he/she is growing in his/her birth mama's womb
when he/she is kicking and hiccuping inside mama's belly
when he/she is born
when he/she is held
when he/she is abandoned
when he/she is spending his/her first night in the orphanage
when he/she wakes at night crying and alone
when he/she smiles for the first time
when he/she holds his/her head up...rolls over...
when he/she coos.

I can't be there for all the whens, but He can and He is. What an opportunity and privilege this role of Mama is. I'm in awe and in love with the Author of it all.

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