Little Taylor Lights: My arrow is four.

My baby is four. It seems like just the other day that I was holding him, swaddled tightly in the hospital feeling my entire heart and life change forever. It's so fresh that I remember wondering in his first few weeks if I would ever stop crying tears of joy over him...if I would ever grow tired of watching his peaceful steady deep breaths as he slept...if I would ever not want to hold him...if I would ever go a second without feeling my love for him deepen and grow. I haven't.

The Lord used (and is still using) Daniel Isaac to melt my heart into a squishy, moldable ball. It's through Daniel Isaac that I've begun to experience a whole new, deeper level of love and compassion and grace. Psalm 127:2-4 makes so much sense to me, "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth." A heritage, and some versions read "reward". Well, isn't that the truth? And a reward that I know I don't deserve but that I am so deeply thankful for. I picture Daniel Isaac as an arrow, too, and I tell him so which he loves since he's into the whole fighting-the-bad-guys all the time superhero warrior stuff. While it already pains me to think of "shooting him from my bow" one day (sending him out into this big world), I know he's going to be the biggest, brightest arrow...carrying light and love and joy and truth all over the place. He already does, and I cannot fathom how much that will continue to grow with him.

Big ole belly carrying some precious cargo...I had no idea how my world, heart and life was about to change. That little life within me...oh my, what a gift. And I do feel a little sorry for myself seeing this picture and my puffy face and awful haircut, but oh well. I'm now trying to take the advice my hilariously wonderful sister keeps telling me, "Sarah just because you are a mom doesn't mean you have to dress like one." Pahahah. Ok, now I'm rambling and this is just a caption.

The hard, grey walls that had slowly crept up in my heart over the years...ones I didn't even know were there came crashing down at 12:05 a.m. on December 6, 2006 when my baby was placed in my arms.

Sweet baby, you have no idea how much you're changing your mama and how much I adore and love you.
He's always been beautiful.

What love I felt for him, and what love as a verb I had to give him. It wasn't just something I felt...oh I felt it deeply and still do, but I knew right then and there that I would do anything for this life. I would give him all I could. I was changed forever, and I was so glad. The more I held and rocked him and bounced him and sang to him and kissed him and bathed him and fed him and cared for him, the more light filled my life and heart. I have learned oodles from my arrow, and I fully anticipate to keep learning from him! For now, though, I will savor the moments I have while my arrow is still in his quiver. I'll carry him and guide him and hold him and tickle him and play with him and teach him and pray with and for him and give him as many hugs and kisses as he'll allow...I'll wipe away those hot tears and I'll keep wishing I could bottle up his giggles.

My arrow is four, and I can not only celebrate his spectacular life, but I can monument the change that has taken place deep within me to help me live life even better and more fully.