Baby in my tummy

We had the miraculous experience of having our ultrasound yesterday.  Both boys played hooky from preschool and came with us.  Noah David snuggled up next to me in the dimly lit room on the stretcher, and Daniel Isaac eagerly sat at my feet.  Daniel stood right there, eyes on the screen.  My eyes shifted from screen, to ultrasound tech (I always tend to look at her face because I think I can read her if something were wrong), to my boys, to Daniel.  The boys were fascinated and had lots of questions.  Daniel was so joyful, and being the outstanding father that he is...he easily juggled (literally...Noah David was hanging upside down from his shoulders for half of the time) being interested and tuned in to each of us, including baby on the screen.  He loves us so well.  DI and ND were most eager to find out if we were having a brother or sister, and we were all excited to hear we are having another brother!  We know just what to do...baby super hero capes will be sewn soon.  Josiah Solomon Taylor is due to arrive October 3.  We love our son's name.  Josiah means "God saves" or "Yahweh hears".  And Solomon was Daniel's great grandfather's name, on top of being a wise king in the Bible, and means, "peaceful."  We really love Josiah's story...to read the full account, go to 2 Kings 21 & 22, but here's my favorite to sum him up from 2 Kings 22:1-2...

"Josiah was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned thirty-one years in Jerusalem. His mother's name was Jedidah the daughter of Adaiah of Bozkath.  And he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and walked in all the way of David his father, and he did not turn aside to the right or to the left."

We hope and pray for each of our children that they will always focus on what is right in the eyes of the Lord, not man...and that they will walk with Him, unwavering.  That their confidence will be found in the only real consistent, True Being...the Lord God.  The one who hears, saves, loves, protects, gives.  We are thankful; we are excited.  Everything looks healthy and growing well.  And now we get to pray for Josiah by name.  

Tonight as I was praying with the boys and got to, "Father, please be with our baby in Africa..." I trailed off and could barely speak with the lump swelling in my throat and tears flowing.  Daniel Isaac said, "Mama, why does your voice sound like that?"  Noah David went from his wiggling 2 year old bottom up-to-avoid-settling position to still and snuggle right on my shoulder.  I replied, "Mommy is sad that we don't know our baby in Africa.  I'm sad that we don't know them by name yet and that we don't know how they are doing."  Daniel Isaac's precious self said softly, "It's ok, Mama.  God will take care of our baby in Africa."  And those were some of the wisest, reassuring words I could've ever heard, and they struck me to my core.  

Mommy is sad.  I'm sad that our baby sometimes feels forgotten...never by us, but that he/she seem so far away.  So out of reach...     That we don't know if he/she is healthy....  That we don't know what pregnancy was like for birth mother......   That we don't know how scared and alone he/she has been.  

We are asked often if "we are still planning on going through with the adoption."  And while I believe this question is innocent and means no harm, it feels like being asked, "will you still parent your child or will you leave them abandoned and fatherless and hopeless?"  It feels the same as if someone asked us, "So will you still go through with this pregnancy?"  Of course!  Our baby in Africa has been sought after and prayed over for over a year now and is not an idea or a nice thing we're doing.  It's our child.  It is a humbling, beautiful calling that the Lord has strongly placed on our hearts.  This child is our own.  

I'm thankful to have such joy and such grief all at once.  And since I am pregnant, I have even more excuse to cry "for no reason".  But there is such reason.  Josiah will have been celebrated by us, family and friends his whole life just as our other boys have been.  Our child in Uganda may or may not have had any type of earthly celebration over his/her life before we meet him/her.  It's heart breaking to me.  And our baby in Uganda is worth our grief and so much more.  And we are going to party like it's 1999 when we receive that first picture.  And when we meet him/her.  And when we finally embrace him/her and bring them home!

THERE IS HOPE.  

Deuteronomy 10:18..."He executes justice for the fatherless......."

Psalm 68:5..."Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in His holy habitation..."

Psalm 82:3...."Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute..."

Psalm 146:9...."...He upholds the widow and the fatherless...."

Isaiah 1:17...."...bring justice to the fatherless..."

John 14:18, from the mouth of Jesus Himself to us...."I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

(above from the ESV Bible)

And we will come to you sweet baby.  Daddy, Mommy, big brothers Daniel Isaac and Noah David, and baby brother Josiah.  We will come to you and celebrate you and love you.  We've been praying and hoping and trusting and celebrating your wonderful life.  

In Him, we have hope.  I have hope that He will see through to completion what He has called us to.  I have hope that little Josiah will grow into a Christ-loving passionate follower of Him alone.  I have hope that His grace really is sufficient for all of my insufficiencies and that His power really is made perfect in my weakness.  

There you have it.  Baby in my tummy.  Baby in Africa.  And we are all in His hands, His care, under His watch.  And that feels so good and safe and reassuring that no matter what...He is.  

Two

It's a lot of words....and no pictures...but please hear our hearts and share.

I just received a phone call from Kelly Brown with Heart of the Bride Ministries (www.heartofthebride.org) letting us know that they are giving us a $3000 grant towards our adoption.  I am more overwhelmed with emotion than normal over this, as I'm not normally "a crier" and tend to see things rationally and more "black and white".  And the thing is, the rationale of this wonderful gift is that our Heavenly Father sees and has not forgotten our little one in Uganda.  He is still providing, still caring, and still preparing.  

The baby He gave us in my womb as a big surprise from Above around 16 weeks ago (we're still not sure of an accurate due date until two weeks from now when we have our ultrasound) is easy to see as my middle is quickly growing.  It's easy for others to relate and celebrate.  No one questions "why?", and no one shows disdain or disapproval.  Yet, when we pray, our hearts still cry out for two babies...the one here and the one there...all the way in Africa.  It's been incredibly emotional thinking about the difference in the two lives' beginnings, and to be really honest, it's been a struggle to have our sweet one in Uganda on my heart at least as much if not more than the one wiggling within yet him/her seeming so forgotten at times.  Mommy, Daddy and brothers haven't forgotten...the boys still ask about Africa daily and are currently really hoping to see a King Cobra while we're there.  The truth is, the Lord placed a desire and a child on our hearts years ago, and when we applied to adopt in January of 2011, that seed that had been planted began to really grow.  And it's a hard thing to describe that we have a child somewhere across the ocean and half a continent who has experienced only the Father knows what who could be waiting...or could still be in his/her family and the tragedy has yet to occur.  It's hard to think about our child having to experience such pain.  His/her mother may not have even had food during her pregnancy.  I get to eat whatever I crave, and she probably struggled to survive...likely without even clean water.  Baby could've been born on a dirt floor or in a jungle, not a sterile hospital with multiple professionals and eager family and friends eagerly awaiting his/her arrival.  And then....he/she became or will become an orphan.  Motherless.  Fatherless.  Family-less.  Sadness is the most accurate description for what my heart feels for our baby.  Paired with the sadness comes great hope and comfort in knowing that we serve an Almighty God who doesn't let pain go to waste...He uses it, and He molds and shapes us from every good and bad experience.  He makes all things beautiful.  How deeply thankful I am for Him.  We take great comfort in our Sovereign God knowing each detail, it's still hard.

Then we get a phone call like today.  And it's so much more than a monetary amount that's going to help out.  It's $3000 closer to being able to bring him/her home...forever.  And even more than that, it was a gentle, loving reminder from the Good Shepherd that He has not forgotten.  He knows and He cares and He is still providing and caring and loving each of us.  He's done it over the past couple of weeks as donations for our adoption have filed into Lifesong (www.lifesong.org).  $100.  $3000.  $25.  Every cent He uses to show us that those around us care, and that He cares.  I couldn't do this without him...not motherhood, not adoption, not life.  He's my Everything, and I am so deeply thankful today.  Rejoicing in His tender care.

{Please check out Heart of the Bride Ministries at www.heartofthebride.org.  They are a wonderful organization who ministers to orphans in many ways.  If you are an adoptive family or know an adoptive family in need of grant money, you can email Kelly Brown for their grant application at kelly@heartofthebride.org}

{We currently have an adoption account with Lifesong, a wonderful orphan care who does many things, one being help adoptive families raise money.  They are giving us a $3000 matching grant.  Your gift to them is tax-deductible and then goes towards our adoption.  Visit their website at www.lifesong.org.  We are Taylor/#2456 for donations.}

And it sounds so cliche to say, but it's the deep honest truth...your prayers for our precious baby are appreciated more than anything.  To know that you have not forgotten our wee one and all that he/she will face means the world to us.  Thank you.

You know you're a mama of boys when...

You know superhero names and their secret identities....and what super powers they posses.

You say, "Please stop wrestling...not so rough....be careful," at least 427 times a day.

Their "love language" is watching them play games on cell phones....and they're cute enough and convincing enough to get their 94 year old great grandmother to watch.

It's perfectly normal for them to use the bushes more than the toilet...

It becomes second nature to instantly think of dramatic bad-guy/good-guy situations that provide opportunity for them to be the heroes that they are.

Your heart melts over gifts like little dirty feathers, shells, flower petals, sticks, twigs, berries and rocks....and a super hero item causes heart explosion.

Your toy box, house and car resemble mini arsenals with neon-tipped guns, knives and swords.

Sending them on laps and random exercises through the house to burn energy is an every-evening activity.

You recognize the importance of calling them by their self-given and decided super hero name of the day.

You become accustomed to the smell of little wet puppy dog when they come inside from playing.

You wish and hope and dream that they will always want to snuggle, hold hands and hug and share kisses all the time but know deep down inside that a time is coming when that will fade and they will become very cool...

They are boys. They are strong. They are brave. They are wild with energy and imagination and passion. They are hilarious. They are fun. They are so very smart. They are handsome. They are creative. They are delightful. They are sensitive. They are tender. They are aware. They are so loving. They are compassionate. They are thoughtful. They are arrows....and I will enjoy them, soak them up, breathe them in while they are in my quiver. I will do everything I can to sharpen them and shape them so that when it is time to release them to the wild and crazy world, they will be ready, equipped and fierce with love for their Father and others.

Dear Baby,

Dear Baby,

You are so far away yet so close in our hearts.  We don't know you, your birth family, your caregivers...  We don't know what you've experienced or will experience before we meet you.  We don't know if you're fed, clothed, or held.  We don't know if anyone hears you or answers you when you cry.  We miss you, though.  There's a very obvious hole in our family where you belong.  We talk about you all the time.  We pray for you all the time.  Your big brothers love you so much.  They ask to come to Africa to get you regularly.  Right now we are just waiting.  Waiting on the Lord to show us who you are and when we will be able to come get you.  We're getting ready for you.  We're moving to a new house in Columbus where Daddy works soon and will have your spot all ready for you.  We're raising money to be able to come get you when it's time.  So many friends and family who already love you are sharing money with us to be able to come get you!  We think about you constantly.  Mommy wears a necklace with a picture of Africa and a heart over Uganda on it.  It has your brother's birth stones and a pearl for you since Uganda is called the "Pearl of Africa", and you will certainly be our pearl.  Mommy rubs her necklace with her thumb and pointer finger so many times a day thinking about you and wishing I could touch you, hold you, kiss you, rock you, feed you.  Everyone at Lifeline, the agency who will help us get you and the place where Daddy works, is working really hard to find you and many many others who don't have a mommy and daddy come home to their forever family.  I just want you to know that the same Father who assures us with peace is holding you and watching over you.  He knows when we will get to come hold you and bring you home forever with us.  He loves you.  He loves you so very much.  We adore you and can't wait to have you home.  Our love for you is bursting in our hearts and we can't wait to share it with you!

Love always and forever and ever,
Mommy

Adoption News Update

We have so much to be thankful for...and that is such an understatement.  Happy, healthy children.  A warm, wonderful home.  A daddy and husband who goes above and beyond to provide for us and works tirelessly to help bring orphans home to their forever families.  Wonderful family and friends.  And an opportunity to journey in, what is starting to feel pretty long, adoption. 

{I interrupt this part of the story to say that I finally cut off Noah David's beautiful, long blond curls.  He was starting to get a few "girl" comments here and there, and because he's so aware and offended, I knew it was time.  My face dramatic you say?  Perhaps, but I really did have to fight back tears for this, people! His curls were one last thing that I was holding onto in his "babyhood".  And while he's long been declaring that he's "BIG", I still know as his mama, he's got lots of good baby left.  The cheeks, the chubby legs and belly, the nursing, "hold me", the co-sleeping, the voice....the curls.  Ah, but the curls had to go, and he looks so old now.  And so adorable.}

There is an excellent "system" we've established for hair cuts.  Each boy gets to pick his color lollipop and his favorite cartoon to watch.  It buys me a good 20 minutes of stillness.  Until hair gets stuck on the lollipop.  Then Daddy is called in for emergency washing.  Then stillness resumes for a brief moment.

His big blue eyes are even more visible and shine right out of his precious round face.  He seriously captivates me.

{BUT!  And I declare, BUT!  God is SO good to me.  Just after cutting this baby/big boy's beautiful curls off (and yes, I did save all of them in a zip loc) and I was sad, Daniel checked the mail, to low and behold discover that our USCIS APPROVAL WAS HERE!}

 Last January we officially applied to adopt and started the whole process.  After waiting 5 long months for fingerprints to return, our home study was approved.  The USCIS approval is basically the United States Government giving us approval to bring in 1-2 children under 15 months of age into the US.  So NOW, we're officially on the waiting list for our baby or babies.  This waiting period could be a few months, 6 months, 12 months or longer.  We have no idea, but we do know Who knows, and we're down with that.  He doesn't just have the whole world in His hands...He's got His big hands holding our baby and holding the birth family and orphanage workers, too.

 One of Daniel Isaac's favorite things to talk about is how God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are the only "real" superheroes.  (No fear, we're still really into the pretend ones, too, but let's be honest, they don't hold a candle to the REAL Ones.)  He'll say, "Mommy, God...He's so strong, He can walk right through walls without anyone even knowing it!  And Jesus...He's so powerful, He can dig a huge hole right down in the ground just with his pinkie finger.  And they have all the other super powers, too, like flying and mind-reading, and force fields and super strength and speed.  And they don't even ever have to sleep!"  And I'm all like, "Uh, yeah; you're so right.  How awesome is it that we're on HIS team??"  And he's all, "Yeah, Mommy, because God's team ALWAYS wins!  And we're gonna kick Satan and beat him up!"  For real and amen, DI!  And when Mama is feeling all sad inside because she wishes our baby could just hurry up and be with us, what a fantastic reminder it is that God's timing in the whole entire formation of our family is essential and perfect and wonderful.  And when the boys talk about how they're going to rock and feed and hold and play with and teach and snuggle with and care for their new baby brother and sister, it's such a sweet reminder of the preparation that is taking place...the very necessary preparation.  And when Daniel Isaac explains to us that his favorite pillow pet "Sushi" wasn't actually a birthday gift but was adopted from an orphanage and that's how he became his son, we smile deep within our beings, because he's getting it.  So please continue in prayer with and for us.  We need it, we feel it, and we value it.

Adoption Story...

Adoption Story

Our relationship started in high school as friends and prayer partners in our church youth group.  It eventually grew to more as we spent time with our group of friends.  By college, we knew we wanted to be married and serve the Lord together forever.  We went on a mission trip to and orphanage in Honduras several times throughout college and became passionate about children...especially children who did not have mothers and fathers to care for them.  We wished we could have adopted several from Honduras while we were there, and we were broken-hearted when one little boy drew a picture of a home, his older brother and younger sister and Daniel and I saying, “Mommy, Daddy, Family.”  Two years into our marriage, the Lord led us to work with an at-risk children’s ministry where we served for a couple of years ministering to hundreds of children in low-income areas...almost all of them living in poverty and broken homes.  We became foster parents for a short time, desperately trying to help children in need. Upon leaving this ministry, the Lord planted us at Lifeline Children’s Services, where we truly found our passion connected to our gifts and ability to serve.  We were able to see that children with no hope and future could be placed into loving, two-parent, Christian homes and suddenly have a bright, wonderful future and home.  Finally, we felt effective in our outreach to children, and while difficult at times, we have had the wonderful privilege of seeing loving, Christian couples and families welcome precious gifts from Above into their hearts and homes.  We have seen birth mothers make the most loving sacrifices in the world and choose adoption for their babies.  We have seen adoptive families endure challenges and trials and finally be united with their children through adoption.  It has been a wonderful gift to see the Lord make and create these beautiful families through adoption.  And we count it a special blessing to get to experience this before becoming an adoptive family ourselves.    

We knew from early in our marriage that we wanted to adopt children and that we would love to have a large family.  I had a desire to travel to Uganda since college and was unable to do so, and then Daniel’s first trip with Lifeline was to Uganda where he immediately connected and loved the people and culture there.  Two months after his return from Uganda, we applied to begin our adoption process!  Many times we are confronted with questions of, “How could you love another child?  Why Uganda?  Why adoption when you can keep having ‘your own‘ children?  What if they aren’t healthy?”

And honestly, our heart explodes with love for our child (or children...we are approved to adopt twins) that we do not yet know.  We answer, “How could we not?”  “We love Uganda and have been drawn there for years...the Lord has led and initiated this whole process in our hearts for years.”  “This child will be ‘our own’.”  “If they aren’t healthy, we will consider it a blessing that they were placed in our care so that we can love and care for them to get them the medical help they need.  Same as our biological children.”  We consider adoption an opportunity, a gift, a blessing.  Yes, we are “rescuing an orphan”, but it is so much more than that.  It is our family who is receiving a gift.  It’s we who are being blessed.  We are extremely thankful that the Lord has led us down this path and that He is creating our unique, precious family in this beautiful way.  Our boys are excited and regularly asking to “go to Africa right now.”  We cannot wait to meet our baby or babies for the first time and become a family.  Our hearts, arms and home are so open and excited and ready!  To God be the glory, great things He has done!

ADOPTION UPDATE:

• This Friday Daniel and I have our biometric finger print appointment in Atlanta- this is the last step to getting our immigration approval, which is basically getting permission from US immigration to bring a foreign child (or two) into the country
• Once we get immigration approval (could be a few weeks after Friday), we are then eligible to be officially matched with a child (which could take a week or over 6 months)
• Once we are matched, we send our dossier (a big ole bunch of paperwork) to Uganda for their approval, which could take several months
• Uganda courts then assign us a court date, and we make plans to travel based on that date!

IN THE MEANTIME:

• I am doing research on Ugandan orphanages and possible adoptable babies.  We can find our own referral, so I'm looking!
• Get the boys' passports and mine updated.
• Continue raising money and applying for grants (we have about $20,000 left to raise)
• PRAY PRAY PRAY for our child (children...we are approved to adopt twins, but still may get one), birth family and orphanage caring for him/her...also praying the Lord continue to prepare our hearts and home for the blessings He has planned!

FROM THE LIPS OF CHILDREN AND INFANTS....

Noah David is hilarious and hard-headed and chubby and cute and determined and hilarious...did I mention hilarious?  BUT, among all of those, he is so tender-hearted and loving and kind.  He loves to help and serve.  And he thinks about "his baby in Africa" all the time.  This morning he said something he rarely says..."Mommy, I don't want to go to school today."  So I said, "You don't?  Well, where do you want to go?"  And he said quite matter-of-factly, "To Africa."  He tells his teacher and random strangers that we're going to Africa to get our baby.  He pretends to go on trips to Africa.  He sits on his 3 inch boat in the bath tub and says, "Look out!  I'm going to Africa in my boat!"  He is maintaing his preference for a boy baby, yet she we talk about God possibly giving us a girl baby, he giggles and joins in talking about pink clothes and girl toys and hair bows.  He is such a blessing, and I love that our God is big enough to keep an entire universe going, yet intimate enough to prepare the heart of a 2 year old for adoption.  

These four little feet are ready.

Jump, Pops, Jump!

We did something we don't do nearly often enough...Nana, Pops and Grandmother came over to our house for Sunday lunch... (perhaps because I haven't gotten the whole "house keeping" thing down just yet....or perhaps because Pops and Nana are such fantastic cooks and invite us over every Sunday for lunch...or both.)  To say the boys were elated to have them here is quite the understatement.  Showing off random toys, tricks, house hold items....and then the grand finale.  The trampoline.  What you see below is only a portion of Jumping Pops.  Before this, DI kept saying, "Jump, Pops, jump!"  Amazing what a grandparents' love will do.  Without further hesitation....I present to you, "Jump, Pops, Jump!" (The video below is the only one I've posted...YouTube may prompt you to view more after this one.  Caution and view at your own risk!  I've received word some of them are inappropriate!)