Knit

It happened.  I almost broke down in a store today when I saw an itty bitty baby outfit thinking that I will never get to hold our baby at that age, size, newness.  A rush of sadness came over me as I tried to imagine, and then not imagine, what life would be like for baby pre-orphanage, in the orphanage and leading up to his/her homecoming to us.  Who will hold him/her?  Will they get to be carried around in a sling and snuggled up to someone?  Will they be fed on cue and as needed?  Will someone love them and smile at them and talk to them?  Gosh, I don't know how to not think of these things.  And ya know what, it's not at all about me and what I'm going to miss, but the raw truth is, my mind "goes there" and when it does, it's sad.  The only way I know to combat such emotion and sadness so that it doesn't turn into a "slump" is to counteract it with GRATITUDE.

Thankful that....
...so many people here are praying for baby, birth family, and caregivers.
...the Lord is providing a way for us to walk this road and provide for us.
...we have 100% support of family and friends.
...the Lord is preparing our hearts and home and family for baby.
...Noah David proudly tells everyone now that his baby is in "A-ta" and "pane" (plane to ride to get him/her).  Also, "rock rock rock" is what he's going to to do his baby.
...every single time Daniel Isaac finds money he excitedly brings it to me declaring, "Look, Mommy!  Money!  We can use this for our adoption!"
...the Lord has given us two beautiful, healthy, precious little lights in Daniel Isaac and Noah David.
...once baby is home he/she won't be put down until he/she BEGS to be put down!!
...once baby is home, he/she will have lines waiting to meet him/her  and love on him/her.
...once baby is home, he/she will never have to cry alone...or sleep alone...or eat alone.
...once baby is home, he/she will be bathed not only in smell-good soaps and shampoos but the love of Christ, which is priceless, full of hope and peace, and will never ever let him/her down.

My to-do list for today is far from being finished, but I just can't help but think about the baby who could very well be being knit together in his/her birth mama's womb.  Thinking with gratitude for the birth family who will make a decision to place him/her...with hope that he/she will be cared for and provided for.  If I could hug birth mama's neck I would.  For now, I will work on turning every thought towards gratitude....while we wait for this....